Ask yourself the right questions to understand your ex and yourself, for that matter
When your ex breaks up with you, one of the first, and natural things you do, is to start pitying yourself. It’s difficult not to because emotions are flying high and you are thinking with your heart, not your head. You should also remember that if you are feeling like this, you can rest assured she will be feeling the same multiplied by 100. Come on, not only are women hormonal but they have a range of emotions that extends past the milky-way. We all know that, advertisers capitalize on it and men have used this as an excuse since time began.
It is important that you stop feeling sorry for yourself and understand that you life hasn’t come to a standstill. Feeling sorry for yourself is not going to help and furthermore, if you are depressed, how are you going to win your ex back? A confident, positive state of mind is far more enticing and inviting that a dour, depressed individual. Many guys lose hope and quit if their exes initiate the break up but if you are serious about getting her back, you must not lose hope and quit. You need to be able to do what it takes and if you cannot stay the course, then it is quite safe to say you are not going to win her back.
Make a list of all the things you used to do that took her for granted. Many guys expect their girlfriends to do things for them that they can easily do themselves. Women often resent being in the role of a maid, secretary, or mother, and it becomes more of a challenge for them to then step into the role of lover and being seen as a lover both by themselves and by you.
Have you ever thought of thank your ex after lovemaking – right then and there as the two of you are lying spent? Sounds crazy I know but it works. She has just given herself to you and the least you could do is show her some appreciation.
When you were dating, were you tactile? Did you touch her in a number of different ways, at different times and in different locations, like your hand on the small of her back as you were walking, a very light tickle on the palm of her hand during a dinner date, did you softly outline her lips with your fingers, give gentle hair tugs, place a warm hand on the back of her neck, slowly arouse her by touching through her clothes, gently nibble her lips, and her ears? Did you do all of this and more?
When your ex was full of self-doubt did you respond with sensitivity and support? If she was self-critical about her weight, instead of agreeing with her or dismissing what she said, did you say, “I can see that you’re upset about the weight you’ve gained but you need to know that you always turn me on and I love touching you.”
Were you in tune to her moods? Her needs? If she’d had a horrible day or if you have been short with each other all day, did you recognize her state of mind and rather than criticize her, did you offer to help her satisfy her needs, or alleviate her stress. Did you cherish her?
Consideration of all these aspects is important in understanding what it will take to win your ex back and keep her. You should always listen to what she says, both verbally and non-verbally as those cues are the most indicative as to what it is she wants from you.
Oprah Love Expert Michael Webb is the founder of “Getting Her Back… for Good” and has taught 1000s of men all over the world how to recover their lost love. He details his steps and valuable advice at Getting Her Back.