Looking Into the Mirror of Your Relationship

Everyone, sometime in their life has been disappointed in love.  Breaking up is hard to go through, especially if you are not ready for it.  If, after a breakup, you realize you still want your ex back, you need to be proactive about it.  In order to do so, you need to reflect back on your relationship and try and understand where it went wrong.

Generally speaking, most relationships follow a predictable pattern.   There is the honeymoon period where you first meet someone and everything is wonderful and new.  They can do no wrong and you can do no wrong in their eyes.  The sex is fantastic, the chemistry electric but after while, this starts to feel more comfortable rather than exciting.  You start to adjust to one another, make compromises, and at this point, the relationship changes again. I call this the “establishment” period.  At this point, cohabitation often occurs, a little “nesting” starts to rear its head and “she” and “he” become “we”.

A little further down the line comes the “disenchantment” stage where suddenly the little quirks that amused you and you were willing to overlook now start to bother you and in fact, often become the “bone of contention” as a means to “pick a fight”.  This is the true test of a relationship and it is this particular phase of the relationship that you need to reflect upon.  If you believe you can save your relationship after this deep reflection then you need to do the following:

  1. Apologize!

So many “fools of love” out there say, “treat em mean, keeps em keen” and they are so far off the beaten track that they will never find their way on the path to true love.  It takes strength of character and great sacrifice to apologize particularly if you do not believe you were in the wrong.  However, sometimes it really is worth “losing a battle to win a war”.  Once you have taken this first step, the rest is not that difficult to follow.  Remember, it takes two people to have a successful relationship and knowing exactly what to apologize for is crucial.

  1. Talking things through, face to face

Invite your ex to meet you at a time and place convenient for you both where you can sit down and talk.  The idea is to be quietly assertive, not forceful, but intent enough to get her to agree to meet you face to face.   You both need to chat about the issues objectively, without blame and maturely. If necessary, suggest couple counseling with a therapist so she can see that you are serious in your quest.

  1. Give her some time and space – don’t pressurize her

This is probably one of the hardest things to do but by allowing your ex space not only gives her a chance to calm down and reflect, but also to miss you and it is true that as time passes, one only remembers the good times.  By allowing a little time to pass, takes the heat of the anger out of the equation and emotions to settle into places of calm.  This can only work in your favor.

  1. Treat her like a lady

This doesn’t necessarily mean that you need to take her on a triple Treat of Champagne Breakfast, Balloon and Boat Ride but it does mean you need to do things differently!  She is the most important person on earth to you; show her this in your actions, not only in your words!

Oprah Love Expert Michael Webb is the founder of “Getting Her Back… for Good” and has taught 1000s of men all over the world how to recover their lost love. He details his steps and valuable advice at Getting Her Back.